I was not made for the desert or the sea

I am stuck in my head
where my demons all tread
where they dance and they play and they sing.
I am numbed by the sad song they bring.
I don’t posses enough power
can’t stand up-
fight my battles
I let them feed on my thoughts cause I’m weak.

Sometimes I am ready to dig my own grave
I know I shouldn’t say things I know I don’t mean.

But life is a wreck
the boat sinks from the stress.
The pressure, it never lets up.
Barely-

floating.

I’ve always been stuck.

My mind becomes quicksand-

Sin
ki
ng.

I stand no chance,

 

I’m stranded in the middle of a desert.

 

I’m praying for a change –
in the weather,
of scenery would be better.

Waiting,
for the sandstorm to subside
for the dust to clear from my eyes
so I can finally leave-

I used to know a sweet symphony
it spoke of a horizon
where light lets life flourish.
A place that gives way to peace
hope
faith
and love was the greatest of these.

When the sun rises
I’ll run for my life

Stuff my
demons in a box-

self-indulgence
and haste. I’m a
critic. Addiction.
Angst.   Jealous.
& manipulative

depression
finds a way to escape,
waging war on my brightest days.

I build a fortress to avoid its gunshots

but I cannot recognize

it has infiltrated
my mind

by the time I do it is already too late

-I’m a prisoner –

stuck in its chains.

My defeat brings clouds filled with rain-
thunder rolls
lightning strikes
the sky pours
floods the earth
my attempts are always in vain.
my desert is flooded with pain
Not what I meant when I said I need change.

Now my world is underwater
no life raft in sight,
this is where my demons make my worst thoughts come to life.

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